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The Bro Code
The Bro Code is a living document - manifest in its 83 amendments - and as such is not yet publicly available in an unabridged volume. The original document is housed in a non-disclosed location, two stories beneath sea level in a vacuum-sealed bulletproof chamber.
Working with published re-prints of Barnabus Stinsons’s “Bro Code” and pop-knowledge of the subject this page will serve as a testament for Bros across the globe until the Day of Enlightenment; the day in which the Stinson Foundation publicly release the unabridged volume of the “Bro Code”.
Please note: Articles, amendments and appendixes in italics are draft and have not been confirmed by the Stinson Foundation.
Articles
- Bro’s before ho’s.
- The mom of a Bro is always off limits but the step-mom of a Bro is fair game if she initiates it and/or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing.
- Bro’s cannot make eye contact during a “devil’s three-way” (two dudes).
- Don’t date within the same clique.
- Never drink the last beer, unless you’ve been granted specific permission that it’s OK.
- If a girl falls into the following criteria, she is off limits forever until the end of time:
- Was an ex-girlfriend.
- Your Bro specifically told you he wanted her.
- Is you’re buddy’s sister.
However, if it’s your Bro’s cousin, well she’s up for grabs, and you’re welcome to rub it in Bros face for years to come.
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- If you get 2 tickets to the big game, the priority list for granting the second ticket is as follows:
- Your Bros (in order of how long you’ve known them).
- Your acquaintances.
- Your co-workers.
- The mailman.
- The UPS guy.
- NASA.
- John Kerry.
- …1,485,726. Your girlfriend.
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- Birthday and Christmas presents for your Bros are optional. Beer always makes a great gift.
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- Standard shotgun rules are as follows:
- Shotgun may only be called within full sight of the car.
- Shotgun must be called outside.
- Shotgun calls last approximately ten minutes.
- Shotgun never carries over to a second ride.
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- It’s alright to cheat at any game where money isn’t involved. In certain circumstances, relationships may be classified as “games.”
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- When out with Bros, never accept a call from your girlfriend—unless she’s dying or trapped under a burning fuel truck, and if that’s the case, make it quick.
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- Bros before hos. I know, I already used it. I can’t stress it enough, though. It is absolutely infuriating how many of my Bros have become insufferable dicks since they’ve gone out with someone.
- In a 6 person hot tub, there should be a maximum of 3 Bros.
- A Bro should not sing and dance at the same time.
- A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a girl fight.
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- Bros do not lie about their age.
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- A Bro should never cry during a movie. In the event that said Bro does, he must under no circumstance admit it to anyone other than a girl he is trying to score with.
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- Another bro will never correct a bros’ spelling grammar or punctuation. In all communication between bros the before mentioned disciplines are entirely optional.
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- A Bro will, whenever possible, provide his Bro with protection.
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- A Bro shall never reveal the score of a sporting event to another Bro until that Bro has thrice confirmed it’s cool.
- A Bro may not speculate on the expected Bro/chick ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ratio
- If a Bro, for whatever reason, becomes aware of another Bro’s girlfriend’s birthday and/or anniversary date, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks his Bro already knows.
- One Bro makes a solo attack.
A second Bro provides a crutch.
A third Bro rounds out the pack,
But a fourth Bro is one too much. - Should a Bro be near to closing with a girl, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome, up to and including the seduction of said girl’s wildly unattractive cousin/friend/mother.
- A Bro shall honor thy father and mother.
- In the event that two Bros acquire the same target, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet roshambo shall determine the outcome.
- In a scenario in which two or more Bros are engaged in entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in ANY capacity, including but not limited to: the high-five, the fist bump, or the congratulatory gluteal pat. Winking is also kind of a no-no.
- A Bro must provide his Bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the second Bros favourite sports team in a playoff scenario.
- A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drink(s) among Bros with the proviso that no existing wager supersedes this purchase and exchange of spirits.
- If a Bro suffers pain due to a permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a “that sucks, man” and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary - deserved or not - regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed.
- Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.
- If a Bro be on a hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardising his own records, the missing of work, or temporary immigration to a foreign country.
- No Bro should make a kissing face in a photo.
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- A Bro never cries.
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- Never used the word ‘Bro’ in the name of a failed Democratic vice presidential candidate.
- A phone call from one Bro to another shall not last any longer than 3 minutes. Should said 3 minutes approach, it is understood that both parties can end the conversation for any reason whatsoever.
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- A Bro shalt at all times say yes.
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- A Bro may never pursue the mom of another Bro.
Ammendments
- The REALLY hot sister and other hump trumps.
Appendex A: Not known
Appendex B: Not known
Appendex C: Not known
Appendex D: Not known
Appendex E: List of approved ninja training facilities and dojos.
- Approved ninja training facilities and dojos not known.
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28 Comments
this is genius.
A phone call from one bro to another shall not last any longer than 3 minutes. Should said 3 minutes approach, it is understood that both parties can end the conversation for any reason whatsoever.
Those fucking apostrophes made me angry. You don’t apostrophe a plural. It’s not bro’s before ho’s, it’s bros before hos. Jesus
Half this list is awesome, the other half devolved into some sort of how not to be gay list that has nothing to do with how bro’s interact.
HOW FLUCKING STUPID you stupid flucking swinging flicks are!!!!!!!!
Hey Sean, I see your point. Fixing it up.
tallguy07, cheers. I’m adding it to the list!
Hey Rich, it’s been awhile since I’ve reviewed the list so I think some culling might be appropriate. Maybe a separate list is in order, let bro codes be just that.
Awsome.But where can ı find the full list?
There isn’t one… if you find one, it’s probably a fake.
the bro code exist the founding farthers made it after the war of inderpendints you muther poos you all suck expect of sara oliver she is so hot i want to have intercouse with hear lol
Hey!!
It’s a very very good work, congratulations for this list!!
And you forgot one article in the bro code that Marshall said in S3E17 it’s the article 29 :”A bro will in a timely manner alert his bro to the existence of a girl fight”
how long until the book will be released
Hi swarley,
We’ll have to wait until the makers of The Bro Code release an official book.
word has it that the book is being published and is being released sometime around late november in time for christmas.
http://featuresblogs.chicagotribune.com/entertainment_tv/2008/07/barney-writes-a.html
Didn’t get around to aggregating the Television articles from my other sites, check out The Bro Code Book on Amazon Pre-order.
Bros are never allowed to update their status on facebook
Article 48
Another bro will never correct a bros’ spelling grammar or punctuation. In all communication between bros the before mentioned disciplines are entirely optional.
http://hosted.tealab.com/fox/himym_myspace/Bro_Code_clip_shorter.mp3
some more articles for you in audio format
Wat up wit da dot dot dot
MPH is the man
this is amazing on so many levels
Exception to #34: Movies where the faithful dog dies tragically (such as Old Yeller)
This list goes on my list of reasons why not to date bros!
Is it bros before hos because thats all you sleep with?
Crappy
Is Bro like a synonym for cunt?
What degrading bunch of crap. Why don’t you folks quit being thug morons and act like decent folks?
if one bro is out of bud the other bro will help him out.